ALL YOUR PERFECTS – COLLEEN HOOVER

**Spoilers Ahead, Read On With Caution**

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t wait to shine light on all your perfects.” 

I promise you, and wish to inform you, that this review will be longer than my last, because I need a pure Colleen Hoover gush. She did it again. Wrote another scorcher, heartbreaker, emotional-rollercoaster, all the er words. You may know that IT ENDS WITH US is my favourite book as it hits such an emotionally deep level. And ALL YOUR PERFECTS comes in at a close, heart wrenching second. 

I’d like to take this as a moment to shed some appreciative light on anyone who struggles in their life. Nothing is easy, but boy can it be oh so very hard instead. Fertility is something most of us don’t think twice about, but for those it plagues, its a hard and hurtful road. This book shines a glorious light on how the ability to conceive is something to be taken as a miracle, because not all of us are so blessed and capable. Reading Quinn and Grahams journey touched me, brought an area of so many’s struggles to my attention, and entrapped me in the heartache of it. My now-weighted heart goes out to anyone coming to terms with this direction of life, and I hope you have your miracle; but should the fates not decide that way, I want you to know, from a bookworm in England, that you’re strong, and you’ll overcome your grief in this, and be wholer for it. 

“People can’t always control who their circumstances turn them into.” 

ALL YOUR PERFECTS takes us on the journey of Quinn and Graham. They first meet in the corridor of Quinn’s fiancé’s apartment, where Graham is pacing back and forth in front of the door Quinn needs to get to. Their partners are cheating, and they’re dumbfounded. After some Chinese takeout theft and some words of advice and encouragement from the floor before the door, they leave; and better for it. A year later they’re in a perfect relationship that only fate could have concocted. 

We also get to see Quinn and Graham seven years into their marriage, and see the devastating aftermath of a challenge they would have never foresaw. Infertility. One word to halt and entire relationship it seems. We get to witness the heartbreak as the couple who used to be so very in love and happy, have become shells, pulling along the weight of their heartbreak for a life they can no longer reach. Uncommunicative and alone, they both drift through their life now, unaware of the full extent of the other’s pain. The love is still there, but everything is still shrouded in hurt, it’s painted in it in thick, bold strokes. It cannot be removed unless they both choose to wash it away, and rebuild. 

“What’s the secret to a perfect marriage?’ The old man leaned forward and looked at me very seriously. ‘Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. No marriage is perfect. There were times when she gave up on us. There were even more times when I gave up on us. The secret to our longevity is that we never gave up at the same time.” 

The powerful thing about this book is how we get to see it from different time frames, see how vibrant and in love they truly were. They were the couple everyone would envy. They were instantaneous, passionate and partners in crime. Only a fool would doubt their love, and the day they both experienced heartbreak, was the best day of their lives. Because it brought them together. Seeing them later in their life, just a small seven years, was hard. They aren’t the same, they’re shadows of their old selves. They’re plagued, and living in the decay of it. The depression that’s gotten ahold of Quinn is nasty and spiteful. Her love for Graham has slowly faded into counting periods, figuring out ovulation cycles, crying silently in the shower and avoiding his touch and affection whenever their alone. She fears being intimate with him because it leads to love, to hope and to devastation. 

“I don’t like talking about things that hurt. And lately everything hurts. Which is why I barely talk anymore.” 

On the other side, Graham has become distant. No longer asking Quinn “What did I miss while you were sleeping?” Fearing it’ll cause her more pain to explain why she wakes up crying sometimes. And instead, manoeuvring around their joint grief, but also in the suffering the loss of his wife. He misses her. “I miss you, Quinn. So much. You’re right here, but you aren’t. I don’t know where you went or when you left, but I have no idea how to bring you back. I am so alone. We live together. We eat together. We sleep together. But I have never felt more alone in my entire life.” And this hurts my heart. He is such an amazing character. He’s that guy you want to meet, and fall in love with and never let go; not even for a second. But he’s lost now too. We catch glimpses of the younger Graham in the older one, but only glimpses; and it’s sad to see. Graham with the sad eyes and brimming heart is folding in on himself too for his wife. 

Whilst reading this book, in the beginning I found myself more drawn to the chapters dedicated to the past of Quinn and Graham. Learning how they met and fell in love was beautiful and made my secret romantic heart happy. But about a third of the way in, the tables turned. I became worried for them in a way I haven’t felt for fictional characters for a while. With each new insight to their current state, I found it harder and harder not to get choked up, they didn’t deserve the hand they were dealt, but they weren’t making the situation easier on themselves either. There were times when I wanted to bang their heads together and scream that they just talk, and use actual words with depth. I greedily wanted to get to the end to know if their marriage survives or not, because honestly, their early on relationship is everything I want and more. I cared more for their present then their past suddenly, because I knew that they were happy then because at least they made it to now, seven years later. It was their present that scared me and spurred me on to keep reading. 

I’m in awe, and thought-out, and still so hung up on their story that I just wish everyone would read it. I feel like everyone needs to just to understand and say they understood. I feel like this was an important story to be told. It’d powerful, and humbling, and devastating. 

I hope you ugly-cry over it like I did.